Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Black Is The New Pain In The Ass

So I found my long-lost black guitar strap.

It was in a drawer, nestled snugly between a couple of black t-shirts. How it got there, I do not know... Oh, I have some far-fetched theories and Rube-Goldberg-esque mental images, but in reality I have no idea.

Years ago in art school, I started to wear black. Not because it was hip or fashionable. Because it was PRACTICAL. When you work in charcoal and graphite day in and day out, the only way to NOT look like a displaced coal miner is to wear black. The more black, the less things you have to get black all over - at least as far as it shows.
* A side note - it does not preclude the need to wash your hands and face regularly and check in the mirror... as I found out when talking to a cute redhead on the bus ride home from a long day at the Academy, only to get home and look in the mirror. I discovered - to my shock and horror - why she was giving me strange looks. I appeared to be some kind of coal miner or bizarre inverted mime or something. I laughed so hard I cried.

On top of that, being a rock musician, all of the cool gear is - of course - black. Guitars, cables, straps, carrying bags, amps, microphones and cases. And of course, accessories: pedals, stomp boxes, stands, headphones, connectors, etc. etc. etc.

Then, I recently thought it would be a cool idea to finish the apartment in black - black chair, desk, table... black sheets, pillowcases, comforter and bedspread...

And of course, all my computer gear is also black. Computer, keyboard, monitor, digitizing tablet and pen, speakers... and of course cables, accessories, mouse, etc. etc. etc.

Yeah, it was all very cool. Dude, I'm rockin' the black! But is there such a thing as too much cool? Is there a coolness threshold, beyond which there is no going b(l)ack?

The problem started when they began making all the cool technology stuff small... and black.

Now I set down my phone or flash drive, drop a guitar pick or set aside a computer cable, and I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING!!!
There it is...
Can you find it?
Imagine this: The phone rings. Set your black digitizing pen down on top of the black bedspread on your way to pick up the phone before you miss the call. Then try to find it later. 
Or accidentally drop a thumb drive into the laundry basket, on top of a pile of black t-shirts and socks.Worse yet, drop it into a black shoe without seeing where it went. You get the picture. LOL

Oh yeah... Black is the new pain-in-the-ass.

I have solved the problem for some of the smaller items by wrapping a tiny bit of neon-green duck tape around them. The bright color makes it a bit easier to find against an all-black apartment. LOL
But I am wondering when the pendulum will swing the other direction, and the place will become such a cacophony of intense color that it will be overwhelming, making it impossible to find anything... yet again. Like trying to track down a clown in a carnival. It just blends in... natural camouflage.

Around and around it goes...

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